【The Eyes Of A Drunk Female Employee Are Erotic】

"Please read carefully before scheduling showings,The Eyes Of A Drunk Female Employee Are Erotic"is the ominous, precedent-setting introduction to the most puzzling house listing you'll read all day (or all year).

If you're looking for your dream home in Cayce, South Carolina, and you have no reservations about possibly dead upstairs neighbors, look no further because this Zillow posting is ripe for the taking. Let's take a tour shall we?

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Welcome home! Not bad, right? A perfectly reasonable fixer upper with an affordable mortgage. The place is sold as-is, so let's take a look inside!

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

Okay so that's a pretty sizeable hole in the ceiling, and you are responsible for repairing it. Hey, could be worse! Still on board? Great! Let's take a look at the beautiful spacious backyard that comes complete with a fire pit!

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

Look at that great fire pit! Perfect for having the family outside on a brisk fall eve. That sinister sculpture to the right comes with the place and predates history. Do not try to move it, we're afraid it's cursed. Possibly by your upstairs neighbors. Oh yeah, by the way the listing actually, seriously says:

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"Upstairs apartment cannot be shown under any circumstances. Buyer assumes responsibility for the month-to-month tenancy in the upstairs apartment. Occupant has never paid, and no security deposit is being held, but there is a lease in place. (Yes, it does not make sense, please don't bother asking.)"

Yeah, so there are some upstairs neighbors that we've never seen and never pay rent. Our going theory is that they're dead or they're witches. Do notask about them, and do nottry to communicate with them.

Let's keep looking around!

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

You weren't supposed to see this part. We have wandered too far. That's uhhh...paint, I assure you. Disregard it.

Okay that's enough touring, let's get your name signed on that dotted line. What do you say? Once again, do not ask me about the upstairs neighbors, they are your responsibility and also might be practicing dark magic. Either that or they are dead, which-- Hey where are you going? Wait come back! It's extremely affordable! A really good starter house! We can talk about going 50/50 on the ceiling repairs if that's what's holding you back!

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